School Experiences !

I've been going to school for about a week and a half now, and it is quite an unstructured, always-changing place. The thing is though, Thailand makes it work. The overwhelmingness has subsided, but the anxiousness all the time of not knowing where I'm going next etc is still quite present. My schedule has yet to be finished, so I have been going to my Thai friends' classes everyday. I sit and try to listen to fast talking Thai teachers and students all day everyday. Exhausting, let me tell you. We have lots of free time, classes being cancelled for who knows what, and teachers not showing up. It is polar opposite from the intensity and controlled environment I'm used to in the states. All in all though, I actually like it. It stresses me out (surprise surprise) sometimes, but I am learning to cope and just go with the flow. The bells ring, and no one moves. Students come in 20 minutes late, and the teacher doesn't bat an eye. I see students sitting, talking, eating, and sleeping even sometimes everywhere I go. Everyone here has free time at points in the day, and I believe it is truly so beneficial to have a bit of a relax time to collect and gather ourselves. In the states, I would cry every day because of the homework and the insane weight of the expectations I've made for myself and upcoming tests, assignments, projects etc. I never caught a break. I chose to take weighted classes, yes, but wow the pressure on students is an absolutely nuts nowadays. Coming here has made me realize that even more. Students here genuinely seem to enjoy school. You're probably thinking, "Riiight. Okay really? Students actually enjoying school?" haha but really. I've never seen such genuinely happy and kind people. The flexibility and relaxed environment has enabled them to enjoy their time with their friends. I don't know about others at my school but me personally, school is just a "I hope I make it through today with no meltdowns and dang am I excited for lunch".. I know I'm not the only one. Yes, I enjoy aspects of high school of course and cherish these years, but the stress and constant anxiety of school I've realized isn't worth it.. I want to get into College of the Ozarks gosh more than anything. If it's causing my mental health to suffer however, that's where I have to draw the line.. Every year I make expectations of myself that are basically impossible to live up to, and I beat myself up until I get there. Here however, I have realized that these students do their work and work hard, but the difference is the pressure society has put on them. I genuinely believe they're truly so happy at school because they have the time to breathe and relax a bit with their peers. Every bit of high school is different here. There's no AC, it is a Buddhist school, it's set up similar to a college (just a smaller version), it is extremely hot 24/7, the students are seriously all so kind, the food is amazing (one side is the regular food and the other is the more junk-type food), there are ice cream and cool drink stands open all day, we wear uniforms, lots of people smile and wave at me not even knowing my name, there is no toilet paper in the restrooms, everything is spoken in Thai or course, there's a coffee shop and a mini mart, you take your shoes off entering a classroom, and countless other differences that would take forever to write down. Every bit is different. It isn't better or worse, it is simply different. Out of all the differences, I struggle to find the similarities. However, one that stuck out is that we, all over the world, want something we don't have. We want to look tanner, paler, skinnier, more muscular, blonde hair, brown hair, bigger eyes, smaller nose, curly hair, you name it. Where I'm from, lotsss of people are concerned with being tan. (I have nothing against spray tans or whatever people use) Spray tans are like an absolute necessity for proms and homecomings to most girls. Some girls spray tan throughout the year, not wanting to show their true beautiful skin color. I have heard countless times "you're so pale!!!" as an insult. So. Many. Times. Whether it was meant as an insult or not. Yes, I am aware. We are all created in the image of God. I am genuinely okay with my pale skin. Yes, I get tired of the remarks because yes, I am quite aware I have pale skin. I am absolutely okay with it and take pride in my skin color. God created me like this. And on the other side of the world, God has created Thais with a beautiful tan skin. They want to do away with it so badly. I've seen girls countless times putting baby powder on their faces and arms to look more appealing aka lighter. They use whitening cream and lotions as well. I have heard countless times "Your skin is so white. You are so pretty". Because of my skin color. They would tell me "Everyone thinks you are so cute and so pretty". Why? Because I am pale. I'm lighter than them. I am the epitome of what they strive to be. It truly makes me so sad to see this. Girls would point at my arm and be so intrigued. They would put their arm up to mine to compare. They saw what they strived to look like.. truly breaks my heart. My other exchange student friends at their school have the same issue. Some have blonde hair, and Thais absolutely love blonde hair because none of them have it. They aren't allowed to dye their hair until they are out of school. Some of my exchange student friends have naturally curly hair. Thais have general straight silky hair. It is always what we don't have that we so badly strive to get. So, why is it that? Why are we constantly trying to grasp for what we don't have? Ask yourself this. All in all, we are never satisfied. Our flesh and sin tempts us to always want more, always tempting us to just want that one thing and then we will be happy, always telling us we would be more beautiful or handsome if we could just have that. It is not true. It is everything but the truth. It is pure lies and pure evil. No matter where we are, this lie we tell ourselves is prevalent everywhere. Not just in the states. Not just in Thailand. This lie is everywhere. It is advertised and encouraged everywhere you look. Magazines, commercials, tv shows, billboards. Everywhere. Going to school here has been a wake up call. We become blind to these problems. Our flesh defaults to this, and we must fight it. It truly breaks my heart to see girls stare and envy my skin. We can't become complacent of this matter. This kind of turned into not a rant but just something I feel people need to be more aware of.. looks are not the only thing that matters.. I wish they would love themselves for the beautiful people they are. I want that so badly. So, when you tell yourself you need to get that spray tan because you can't stand your true color.. think about how God created you. He loves you exactly the way He made you. That's why He made you in this way! It has been a very rude awakening to see this here.. I hope it wakes you up too. Thank u for reading.. I don't really apologize for getting off track into this because I feel it needed to be said \_(")_/ !! -Kalynn